Six months ago, I received an invitation to serve in Peace Corps Panama. I picked up a few other things along the way. 

There are two weeks remaining before I leave for Peace Corps pre-service training, which brings me back to the day I was invited to serve. The instant I opened the email, I launched into a new chapter of growth.

During the past six months since receiving my invitation to serve, I developed confidence. Though I had some tough decisions to make after accepting, I navigated them and came out stronger and smarter. During this time, I started a new job that allowed me to improve the skills I’d built in the past. I used my free time to delve into new ventures. I practiced music, cooking, and Spanish. I volunteered, tutored, and exercised. I met with RPCVs who offered me guidance and stories of their service. Some nights, I danced until 4 AM, not stopping until the clubs closed. Other nights, I read until 4 AM. I spoke more directly with others. I also worked on controlling my habit to overshare, realizing that not everything in my life is everybody’s business. I stood up for myself. I had fun. Occasionally, I worked hard. I grew. 

And I’m still growing. But will everything that I’ve built in the past six months go away when I leave?

I worry my new lease on life will halt when I leave the United States. I feel confused and anxious about who I will be. Will I be a nobody with nothing to offer? Will I be a deserter of my friends and family at home? Maybe my Peace Corps colleagues will come to realize that I’m not meant to be a PCV at all, and I will be revealed to be an impostor. I anticipate becoming overwhelmed and weak by the changes.

But as real as all these fears are to me, I don’t believe that starting a new chapter means closing the last one. After all, I can still rely on and foster the confidence I’ve built over the past six months into the next two years. I can still love and support my friends and family wherever I am in the world. And when I feel unworthy or like an impostor, I’ll remind myself that I’m in Panama for a reason. Even if I have the least experience and lowest skills of all the trainees, Peace Corps has still invested in me the opportunity to serve. I’ll receive training, make friends and mentors, and get out of my comfort zone. Even the bad days will teach me something. I will make the most of every day in Panama, and continue to build myself through my service. 

While the journey has yet to begin, I’m ready to embrace it with excitement and anticipation. The same of which I felt when I received my Peace Corps invitation, six months ago.